In life there is no do-over

 You can’t go back and change anything you did. If you realize it soon enough, you can go forward and be different, but there is no do-over. That offense, whatever it was, is yours to live with. An apology might bring forgiveness, but it won’t take away the uneasy feeling that you harmed someone in some way and you can’t undo it. I’ve become aware that I was not the person I thought – I hoped – I was. I didn’t live my life and love my people as well as I believed I did. Memories come back to haunt, but you’re stymied because you can’t do it over. Can you really apologize for something you did 30, 40, 50 years ago or more? I don’t know. How can you even begin? Some of what I did harmed others and I never realized it until the harm to others manifested in them and they in turn harmed others. They didn’t do it out of malice or even with the knowledge that they’d learned to do that - from me.

 No do-overs. I look back on my life and see little to no real adversity, but I also see missed opportunities for kindness, forgiveness, care, praise, love. I look back and see that what I thought was “normal” might have been seen by others as dysfunctional. Hindsight.